GRANDMA'S
GIFT
Christmas
time was coming,
Grandpa
planned a great surprise.
He
sought a gift for Grandma
that
would truly light her eyes!
He
concocted an idea
that
he thought could not be beat.
“I’ll
pipe gas to the outhouse,
add
some warmth below the seat!”
Now
Grandma cooked a pot of beans,
to
take Election Day,
As
she helped out with the voting
in
her special kind of way.
The
gals would share their dinner,
and
catch up on all the news,
When
the neighbors came to cast their vote,
and
expound on different views.
She
left home very early,
before
rising of the sun,
And
Grandpa saw this was the day
to
get his digging done.
He
worked carefully and quickly,
tried
to cap it off real tight,
So
the line could all be hidden
before
she returned that night.
He’d
add the heater later,
before
Santa Claus was due,
And
just see how plain delighted
Grandma’d
be when she first knew!
He
could just imagine
how
she’d really treat him sweet
On
that early Christmas morning
when
she felt the heated seat!
My
Grandpa didn’t realize
there
was just a little leak
In
the gas line
as
he hadn’t quite perfected his technique!
He
was sitting in the kitchen,
trying
careful not to grin,
When
Grandma came a driving up
to
let herself back in.
They
shared a bit of supper,
a
few stories and a joke,
Then
Grandma took her corncob pipe
and
slipped out for a smoke.
She
knew it wasn’t healthy,
and
the Parson called it sin,
But
when it came to quitting,
she
just hadn’t quite give in.
And
she took it to the outhouse,
closed
the door and pulled the latch,
And
prepared to do her duties
just
before she lit the match.
Boom!
The outhouse blew to pieces!
It
exploded like a bomb,
Sending
Grandma into orbit
with
her best white bloomers on!
Grandpa
peered out of the window,
saw
her bloomers near the moon,
And
he hoped she could survive the fall
he
knew was coming soon!
Grandpa
ran and tried to catch her
as
she made the second pass,
And
he heard her softly murmur,
“Guess
my beans created gas!”
She
made one more great circle,
and
in Grandpa’s weary eyes,
The
fact she was surviving
filled
the ole’ boy with surprise.
She
landed in the lilac bush!
All
her dignity was lost!
But
they’re getting indoor plumbing now,
no
matter what the cost!
by
Nona Kelley Carver
From
Carver Country Cowboys, copyright 1997